Shopping Hints for the Holidays (i.e., how NOT to annoy your salesclerk)

  1. Stop using my fragrance testers as deodorant. If you need to smell better that badly, they won’t help.
  2. Do not pretend you can’t speak English until a price rings up “wrong,” and then tell me in perfectly comprehensible language that it should be free.
  3. Is that your kid over there? The one banging the glass doors on the jewelry armoire? You are responsible for payment. Just so you know. “He’s too young to understand” won’t hold water.
  4. Don’t ignore my “good morning” as if you didn’t hear me (while looking right at me), then demand to see something ten seconds later.
  5. Smile, and think about it. It’ll make you feel better.
  6. DO NOT let your kids have cologne wars while you haggle with me over a price. It will make me much, much less likely to help you out, as I’ll have a sore throat for 2 days afterwards.
  7. Don’t steal. And if you do, take your old crap with you. Do you have any idea how gross it is to find someone else’s used underwear in the dressing room, beside the new tags from the ones you decided to wear out of the store?
  8. Be happy you have family to buy gifts for.
  9. Get used to waiting. You are not the Queen, and even if you were, I would make you wait in line. There is only one of me (sometimes two). No, I will not cut off my jewelry customer to check out the clothes you brought over from the womens’ section so you could avoid the line there. It’s the holiday season, and you and everyone else waited until now to do your gift shopping.Β  Suck it up. Bring a book. Listen to our oh-so-lovely Christmas music, courtesy Taylor Swift and Celine Dion.
  10. Be grateful you have the money to buy the gifts.
  11. Say thank you, but only if you mean it. I’ve done this enough I can spot a snarky thank-you ten miles away. Yeah, I can suck it up too, but still.
  12. Don’t accuse me of lying about the number of Kitchen-Aid mixers we have in stock. I’m sorry we’re out and you didn’t get the doorbuster, but life will go on. So will the line. Excuse me, please.
  13. Don’t hand your four-year-old daughter the earrings I just pulled out of the case for you. And especially don’t let her make a mad dash across the store with them. I will call security to scare some morality into her, since you apparently won’t.
  14. Remember that the holiday season isn’t all about the gifts…it’s about loving your friends and family, celebrating life and hope and good will to all – and that includes your friendly salesclerk!

3 thoughts on “Shopping Hints for the Holidays (i.e., how NOT to annoy your salesclerk)

  1. I just found your blog! This post in particular is fantastic- it’s a great mix of snark and wisdom. In my desperate college days I worked at Claire’s Boutique for almost a year. Only by divine favor did I manage to not work on Black Friday (even if I did work through the Christmas season), so I can’t imagine what working the holidays in a department store was like. *shudder*


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