Out of Range

I’m going to be without cell phone and internet service for a couple of weeks, so no blog posts for me. 😢 Or talking to my family, or DragonMania…but it’s nothing we haven’t done before. And there’s only 18 days till I see them again! Now just keep your fingers crossed for me, that this last phase of school goes well. 

Wordless Wednesday (late)

Confession Time

So, remember the little 52 week savings challenge I posted about way back in January (which does seem like forever ago)? Well…I failed. Miserably. I lasted till about the middle of February. Then, we passed our first milestone exam and were allowed to go places and do things and I spent it all the first weekend.

There. I feel like a horribly uncontrolled spender now. I had to post about it though…just to keep myself honest. Yes, I’m embarrassed. A little frustrated. But I have learned/confirmed that for me, going long periods of time without spending ANY money – or at least telling myself I can’t spend any – results in binge spending. I guess much the way a strict diet often results in binge eating? Keeping myself honest here is more motivation for doing better, too.

So what did I spend it on? Well, mostly just me. After months of just working hard, concentrating on just finishing the next task in front of me, I just kind of spoiled myself. I bought a new pair of jeans, had a facial (my first ever, and it was lovely), and a few other things. Also ate delicious, non-cafeteria food for the first time since Christmas. Even if I felt somewhat guilty, it was worth it. Sometimes sanity has a price. :-P

Now you all know. I feel a little better. I’ll try it again, but probably when life is a bit more stable.

Dragging

The weather has been perfectly rotten the past week or so. To the point it took me FIVE days – yes, five – to walk to the post office to mail a stack of letters. Some of which were Valentine’s cards that will be very, very late now. But it was so cold, and so windy, and so rainy, and by the end of the day I am so tired! It is almost a mile to the box, so…yes, I was lazy. The day I ended up going was still horrible but I just couldn’t stand not having them mailed any longer! I didn’t get anything – ANYTHING in the mail this week. It was so sad. :-P

School has been…blah. Dragging on and on and ON…even though there’s actually only a few weeks left. I feel depressed. There, I said it. All I want to do is sleep. I drag myself out of bed in the morning, drag myself to class, drag myself through class, then drag myself back to my room in the evening. Half the time I don’t go eat dinner. I just feel so exhausted. Part of that is probably because I’ve had some kind of sinus or respiratory bug for over a month now, that nothing seems to help.

I. Miss. Home. And by home I don’t even mean a specific place. I miss the people. Sure, I talk to them on the phone and text them all the time. But it’s just. not. the same. Most of all I miss being with my babe, doing things together and just hanging out. I miss our 2 am runs to Dunkin Donuts. I miss laying my head on his chest and his arm around me as I go to sleep. I miss him tickling me till I scream. I miss making dinner and always getting a hug and a kiss and a thank you (no matter how much of a flop it might be or if it’s only a frozen lasagna!). I miss getting on the bike and riding for hours, just the two of us and the wind. I miss rubbing his shoulders after he’s worked all day. I miss him grabbing me and kissing me and calling me his sexy lady. I miss making things for our home, food, quilts, gardening, decorating…all of it.

You’d think with time rapidly dwindling I’d be happier. But I’m having a lot of trouble pulling my head up. I’m scared of all the uncertainty that the next year holds. My heart breaks because I know the man and boy I love probably won’t be spending it with me. I feel like I’ve let them down, even though this assignment wasn’t my choice. I don’t know what to do about it. I think that’s what bothers me the most. I simply don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything I know to change my assignment, but unless there’s a deus ex machina moment waiting on me out there, it’s pretty much set in stone.  So deal with it, suck it up buttercup, and drive on. I can do that. I just hate feeling like I’m full of lead. That’s not me at all. And I don’t know what to do. I have no plan other than just getting through one day at a time. It drives me crazy and makes me wonder if this was all one big mistake. Maybe I should have never signed up for this. Too late now though I guess.

I try to keep doing the things that make me happy. Writing letters, stitching, reading. Sleeping. As much sleep as I can get. I wish I could just go for a walk. By myself. But no alone time is allowed here. Meh.

February Small

I’ve been waiting to post this! I’m crazy about this little piece, wish I could have got it framed and sent home to my other half for Valentine’s, but it wasn’t to be. Some time in the near future though. I hope. The design is one of Lizzie Kate’s Snippets, and I’ve been in love with it forever. It was one of the first to rekindle my interest in cross stitch. So yay! Two little things finished this year – actually 3 if you count the poor little lost Imbolc stitch I sent to Drakken. :( Anyway! Linking up with the Smalls SAL hosted by Stitching Lotus again (or I will be, once my computer stops being stupid and loads the linky for me). :)

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Time Out of Mind

I’ve had a lot on my mind the past few weeks. Actually the last several months, but as my time in school is almost finished my thoughts are shifting more and more to home, and my family. I’ve been away so long. The worst part is, I’m not even sure we’ll get to be together when I’m finished. It’s all still up in the air. We’ll be together eventually, and it’ll be worth it, but right now…we’re still waiting. It might be another year or more before we can be physically together again, and sometimes that really feels like too much to take. Like I’m asking too much – of them, of myself. My heart hurts. I have a little hope that it might get better sooner, but I’m bracing for the worst.

Since I don’t have much to say, here are a few of the little inspirational things that have given me a lift recently. Some are from FB, some friends sent to me.

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Distance also means you don’t mind dishes in the sink or socks on the floor, because you know it means there was someone there to make the mess.

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I had this taped up on my mirror for a long time.

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Hard work, work…

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This is so true…because in the end it really is worth it.

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And this one I really want to buy and hang up or put on my desk.

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Expectations

I had this long list of things to do this weekend. I was going to be so productive.

Um. Yeah no. About the only thing I accomplished was spending money. And this. More on it later.

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Trying to tell myself that sometimes, it’s ok to not be productive. Sometimes the mind and body just need to rest. The only thing is, I feel like I tell myself that a lot.

Back in the Stacks

Well, I didn’t sleep that much over the weekend. Guess my body didn’t need quite as much as I though, or maybe I’ve just learned to function on 5 hours a night and 7 feels like overkill.

I actually spent a lot of time reading. Some hard copy, a lot audio. I finished Curtsies and Conspiracies, which was fun. Worked on Becoming Odyssa a little, and started Waistcoats and Weaponry.

 

Curtsies was a pretty little light-hearted YA novel and just the kind of mind fluff I needed. After studying till facts and numbers and vocab were all coming out my ears I needed a break. No sex and not much violence, so it’s not exactly mind candy, but definitely fluff. I really enjoyed it, and I did something I haven’t done in ages…started the next in the series right away!

I really miss reading. Reading for hours at a time, just losing myself completely in a book. I’ve done most of my recent reading via audiobook, just because I can’t stand to not be multi-tasking with such limited free time. I had an Audible subscription for a long time (which is a GREAT deal for larger books, by the way…little ones, I’d just use the discount that comes with the $15 a month membership, because otherwise you’re actually paying more for the smaller ones!), but I had such a backlog I cancelled it until I can get caught up on listening. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t constantly checking my watch as I read/studied/took a shower, worrying about when I needed to next be somewhere. But, I’m still doing happy things! Reading, stitching, writing letters…which reminds me, some mail posted in a DIFFERENT drop box actually made it to its destination. Apparently all 7 postcards/letters I put in the first one have gone AWOL. I’m slowly getting to re-writing the letters. Anne and Sarah, my replies to your lovely letters were among those lost…replacements are forthcoming, I promise!

I realized when I started Turncoats that I have SO MANY book series started. Do most people read all the way through one, or at least get caught up through the publishing, before they start a new one? I remember plowing through series at the speed of light as a kid, then biting my nails till the next one came out. But I haven’t done that for a LONG time. Now I have tons of series started that I intend to finish (not going to even begin to go into how many I started and have no intention of finishing)…it’s going to take awhile! My book list is ever growing.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon – So. In. Love. Scotland. Medicine. Sex. War. Passion. Time travel. This one just pretty much pushes all my buttons.
Temeraire series by Naomi Novik – The only alternative history books I’ve ever read, I think. Love these too, not as passionately as Outlander, but still love them.
China Bayles by Susan Wittig Albert – Cozy mysteries. Fluff books. Good to relax.
Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich – Guilty pleasure mysteries, I laugh till I cry with almost every one of these.
Women of the Otherworld by Kelley Armstrong – I’ve actually only read the first one of these, but I liked it and want to read more.
Maisie Dobbs series by Jacqueline Winspear – again, only read the first one of these, but I loved the psychological mystery aspect without too much gore. Still on the cozy mystery side of the spectrum, I think. Sense a pattern yet?
Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters – more history, more cozy. Also funny. I love Amelia.
Discworld  by Terry Pratchett – the only sci-fi on this list. But OMG Vimes! and the Watch! and Rincewind! I giggle and smile and cry through every one and I’m so far from being finished.
Chief Inspector Armand Garmanche by Louise Penny- not so cozy but still not thriller type. Also only read the first in this series but I really enjoyed it.
Charlotte and Thomas Pitt series by Anne Perry – dramatic Victorian mysteries. Different than what I usually read but I like them…just not in large doses?
Meg Lanslow series by Donna Andrews – hysterical. Improbable. Cozy mysteries.
Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes series by Laurie R. King – also only read the first one of these but fully intend to read them all. I listened to this one.

Hard Work

Well, I survived the hell week of exams here, and squeaked by with a pass on everything. Phew! I am SO glad this week is over with. I feel like I’ve really achieved something and the next good thing is right around the corner. Still a lot of hard work between here and there, but hard work is good for the mind, body, and soul.

So is the giant chocolate bar I’m in the process of finishing. Cause no matter what I eat, how much I eat, all the running I’ve been doing has my body changing shape in ways I don’t really appreciate. I put on my yoga pants for the first time in about 5 weeks tonight, and I was more than a little horrified to see I’m definitely losing my butt. Are ALL my curves going to turn flat?? I mean muscle is a great thing, really. But um…I’m a girl. I wanna look like one. Not a stick. I think more chocolate is in order. Actually, probably more squats.

I hate squats. Chocolate sounds good.

Smalls 2015 – January

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Well, I’ve already posted this picture, but sadly I’m not in the position to actually finish this as an ornament right now! And since my Imbolc to Drakken seems to have certainly been lost or indefinitely delayed (many tears…let’s not discuss it anymore) this is my only finish for January. The pretty little Valentine’s thing in my last post is almost done but not quite. I’m excited to do this Smalls SAL though! Hopefully I can maintain my momentum through the rest of the year. I would love to do a Christmas ornament a month, but knowing me I’ll probably get distracted.

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