The Wheel Turns

I love this time of year. This time and spring makes me feel the most connected with history, both my own personal history and the history of the world. I like the old traditions of Halloween, or Samhain as my Irish and Scottish ancestors probably would have called it. All the modern day gore and zombies aren’t what I love about the season. It’s the idea of the thinning of the veil, of our loved ones perhaps being able to see us or maaaaaybe even communicate with us that pulls me. My dear grandfather passed near this time, on October 6, 12 years ago, so perhaps that has something to do with it. Every October, I miss him and wish I could talk to him, even once more.

Samhain also seems to be my time to finish things. Around this time I feel a huge push to get things done, largely because I want to start new ones. But I really think there’s a desire for closure that pushes me too. Anyway, here is my large finish for this year’s Halloween season.

Halloween Sampler 2015

I’ll get some better pictures once it’s framed, but I’m so damn proud of it. It won’t hang on the wall this year, but definitely next. My husband even likes it and kept asking me if it was going to be done on time. I’d pick up another project and he would ask if it was finished. All kinds of motivation there!

Hope you all have a very happy, blessed Samhain.

The Struggle

Alright, friends.

I’m struggling. I’m really struggling. I’m trying, but I’m struggling. I feel like my life is a mess, a disaster. All our household stuff from Virginia finally arrived last week, and while I’m super excited to have all my stuff, the number of things broken, damaged, or missing continues to go up, and it includes a couple of things that were really important to me.

I try to sit down and relax but the house is such a mess I can’t. Everything is everywhere. Nothing is organized. Well, except the kitchen. I did manage to get the kitchen done because, you know, we have to eat. It’s very awesome to have a crockpot and a bread machine again. And MY mixer. It’s a KitchenAid of the handheld variety, and even though it’s probably 40 years old (it was a hand-me-down from one of my grandmother’s friends to me about 8 years ago) it works so much better than the cheap ones in the store now. Even if the beaters don’t really stay in anymore, the motor is in great (knock on wood) shape!

Then there’s this…

 Which is substantially worse after I panicked after not being able to find the flyer to my spinning wheel a couple nights ago.

I just. Can’t. Deal.

I did finish a little dishcloth for the HPKCHC. Made me feel a little better.

Where I Am

I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, truth be told. But tonight I’ve been awake since 2 a.m. courtesy of a migraine prompted by any number of things. I sat in the shower for an hour and a half, and now I’m sitting with a much-dimmed laptop screen (the distraction is worth the slight pain increase from the light) on the couch with a candle burning.

Misery loves company so I’m sharing mine with you. :P

On the bright side, my first month back at playing the HPKCHC went well. I finished a hat, a baby sleepsack, and a pair of socks. I started another pair of socks but didn’t get them finished. Also I started a “Mission,” a larger project that will take longer than a month. So there’s been lots of knitting, and a few other things.



The finished socks

The finished socks

Finished hat and husband being goofy. :D <3

Finished hat and husband being goofy. :D <3

Unfinished socks.

Unfinished socks.

Start of the Mission project.

Start of the Mission project.


I hate living overseas. Experiences and cheap flights to the rest of Asia be damned. I’m horribly, horribly homesick and I just want to go home.

Apparently baking is a perishable skill. I attempted to make buckeyes last night, and having neither microwave nor double boiler, tried to melt the chocolate in a glass bowl over boiling water. It ended in lots of negative feels, burned chocolate, and a headache.

Autumn is slow to come here. The trees are still green. It’s cooled off some (yay no more 90 degrees + 80% humidity days), but the air still doesn’t have that little nip that says fall. I. need. autumn.

The only thing that makes me feel better is making things. Not sure if this is due to distraction or sense of accomplishment it provides.

I miss Alfie so badly. He’s never even lived here with us and yet I look for him everywhere. I keep reminding myself it was better FOR HIM to stay in Virginia but part of me isn’t convinced.

Draken had her little dragon. She’s beautiful. The sleep sack I knit for her is the only project I’ve finished lately.

I want to go home.


Guess What Time It Is?

I woke up this morning to a torrential downpour. However, for once it didn’t actually start my Monday (Tuesday) off on a wrong note. This weekend, I was finally – FINALLY – able to obtain possession of a car. So therefore I’m not going to be soaked walking to work. There is coffee also currently in my possession, in my new favorite Outlander mug. I woke up to my husband’s arm around me. And with the rain has come a much welcome drop in temperature.

2015 August 234

Obsessed? No. Not with coffee. Not with Outlander. Not me.


This was the view this morning. I loved the wispy little cloud over there between the hills.

The temperature drop has been much anticipated. Not only because it’s been so freaking hot, but because my fingers have been itching. We STILL don’t have all our household stuff, which means all my fabric/yarn/what have you is still somewhere in transit, but I have bought a few things to hold me over, and there’s this pair of socks that’s been on my needles for almost two years now.

Ladies and gentlemen…it’s time again for…wait while I put on my little nerd hat because that’s kind of how it makes me feel…

Yep. And yours truly is a…

I haven’t even read all the books.

But this is my 3rd “term” playing along in this genius knitting/crafting game, because I love a little friendly competition, all the BADGES, the people who don’t think knitting is just for old ladies, and the motivation to actually finish projects. It’s just fun. Also if you’re a knitter/crocheter and not on Ravelry yet…what are you waiting for? Ravelry is the best thing for fiber arts since sheep.

So…that pair of socks? I’ve been knitting madly. The first one is done, the second one about half. But they must. get. done. ASAP. Because I want to turn them in for Detention. Because I started them before term, so they can’t be turned in for a Class.

Think I’m crazy yet? Yes? It’s ok, I promise. I’m just over here knitting so I don’t kill people. Really.

2015 August 281

Three Irish Girls Adorn Sock, colorway Skyline Parkway (limited run color)

Korean Independence Day

Video as promised…it was an awesome show but really hard to get a spot where you could see anything. Next year we’ll go earlier. There had to be at least a million (not exaggerating) people there.


We’re readjusting and settling in! Real post soon but in the meantime…

We watched the Rousey fight. 

Introduced him to Korean BBQ. 

Got drenched in the rain in Osan. 

Baking again!!

Holy cow we live here. Together. 

  And went to see the Korean Independence Day fireworks show. Video later. 

Work is crazy right now but should slow down in a couple weeks. 

One More Sleep…

He’s in the air!! Looks like he might miss his first connecting flight though. Boo. 

Now I have to try to sleep tonight…fingers crossed my last one alone for a good, long time. 


Do you have ghosts from your past that just seem to just pop up out of nowhere, just when you thought they were gone for good? I do. Mine seem to come in the form of words. No surprise there, really, I guess. Considering how much I love words, it’s only fitting that my ghosts should take that form as well.

My husband will be here in a week. I’m way beyond excited. But, as has happened every time we’ve been apart, I’m starting to get nervous little butterflies. Mostly when I look in the mirror.

Does he really find me attractive? With my out-of-control hair, pale skin marred by scars from too many breakouts, ass that’s there but not as firm as it could be, nearly non-existent boobs? Is he really going to want to put up with my books everywhere? My dislike of doing the dishes after dinner or folding the laundry after washing it? My obsessions with making all kinds of things, my stashes of supplies everywhere? How can he roll over and want to kiss me first thing in the morning, when I squint at him and put on thick glasses so I can even see the clock next to the bed?

I call these ghosts because they’re the remnants of a toxic relationship, where I heard things that shredded what self-esteem I started out with and still struggle to get back, on a daily basis.

Put on makeup to go out with me. You’re ugly.
Can’t you wear something other than jeans and t-shirts? You’re ugly.
Go shave your legs before I touch them. You’re disgusting.
You’d be pretty if you tried. You’re ugly.
You could be hot if you worked out. You don’t turn me on.
Don’t knit in front of people, it’s embarrassing. You’re embarrassing.
Why do you do that (quilt, knit, spin, whatever)? Only grandmas do that. You’re weird.
You shouldn’t feel that way, you’re wrong. Your feelings don’t matter.

When we’re together they occasionally pop up, but Matt is incredibly good at silencing them. After we haven’t been together for awhile, they all start swirling around in my head again. Nevermind he’s now been with me both at my thinnest (yikes!) and heaviest weights, he’s seen me lose a third of my hair, and he’s seen me puke more times than I care to remember (still can’t handle my liquor). And he’s still moving all the way to the other side of the world to be with me. Nevermind I’ve never felt wanted the way he shows me in my entire life. I’ve never felt accepted like this. Leg hair, old t-shirts, messy hair, un-made-up face…just normal, plain me. Sure he appreciates it when I dress up, but he’s not embarrassed to be with me when I’m just normal me. He’s not embarrassed to introduce me to his friends. He likes me. Just me.

Trying to convince myself? Maybe. Remind myself? Sure.

It’s kind of not helping right now. Maybe if I turn all my mirrors to the wall. All I see is an ugly, tired-looking woman. Just a ghost.


Sometimes I really wish feelings would go away.

Mostly the ones that hurt. Or the angry ones. Both, actually. For the most part the only things that really make me angry are the people I love, and right now I feel very angry. But I feel like part of it is irrational, because it seems like it might stem from jealousy of a sort. I feel like an exhausted little kid that just. can’t. deal. with the feels.

So I just shut my mouth and put my head down and move along.